Do Pray for Patience
Reflections from Under the Blue Collar
Being a father of three young children under the age of five, I have spent a fair bit of time recently reflecting on patience, or, more specifically, my lack thereof. There’s nothing quite like three little mirrors of yourself running rambunctious about your feet, constantly knocking into you, the walls, and each other, to highlight all your undealt-with selfishness and impatience. Naturally, I’ve leaned on my church community to keep me in their prayers, which has prompted one recurrent, while expected, somewhat perplexing response, which is the cause for this reflection.
It is at this point that I must make a confession: I hate when people tell me not to pray for patience. It’s a platitude repeated so often I could tell you the script by rote. The conversation in which it arises invariably goes something like this:
A bother or sister will come to me and ask, “How can I be praying for you today?” I will answer, “I need help to be patient.” To this they will inevitably respond, “Don’t pray for patience, or God will give you opportunity to practice patience!” Right. Thanks for that. It’s incredibly unhelpful - not to mention a bit oblivious, and a pinch tone-deaf.
The reality is this: I am a hard-working, full-time carpenter, the single income-earner for my household of five, working towards furthering my career so I can give my children the best I have to offer. I’m a husband, and a father of three beautiful, young, and incredibly active children - all of whom have yet to learn how to regulate their own emotions. To paraphrase Aragorn to Theoden - the opportunity for patience is upon me, whether I would pray for it or not. If I didn’t already have need for patience, I probably wouldn’t be praying for it! So, respectfully, I am disinclined to heed your advice.
Ironically, we don’t say this about other godly virtues. If one were to ask for prayer for wisdom, we wouldn’t tell her “don’t pray for wisdom, or God will give you occasion to practice being wise!” We would instead agree to her request, recalling Saint James’ exhortation that “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5)
Now I know that most people who say this mean well - that they desire to make light of a shared struggle by which we are all afflicted. Except for those who say it in earnest, believing their advice to be helpful, I would hardly mention it. But that is yet not my chief concern.
Underneath its surface, there is a subtle, but unmistakable, current of anti-spiritualism. It smacks to me of that abhorrent saying “God helps those who help themselves.” As if God, having once given us, by His inestimable grace, through faith, the very blood and body of our precious Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, for our salvation and eternal life, would now resort only to the natural means of our flesh, and the strength of our own fallible wills to accomplish the work of sanctification in us.
What? Would the Spirit, having wrought in us so great a work of salvation by supernatural means now be so reduced as to rely solely on means of the flesh? Did he not promise, by inspiration through Saint Paul that “…he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”? (Philippians 1:6) Or is patience not indeed counted in the fruit of the spirit, along with love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (Galatians 5:22-23)
Is the Spirit so muted in our souls so as to only be able to merely cause us to recognize our opportunities to “practice” these good, and godly virtues? Has he left us to conform ourselves to the image of our Lord on our own strength? May it never be so said! I pray to be conformed to Christ’s image through the same Spirit who at first enlightened the eyes of my soul to see Him. I can do no other, for I do not possess the strength to do so on my own. And I refuse to tacitly adopt an understanding of the Spirit’s work of sanctification in my life that is anything less than miraculous.
So, no. I will not refrain from praying for patience - or any other of the fruit of the Spirit - and neither should you. When a brother (or sister) asks you to pray with him for patience, do so! And give glory to God that he has humbly recognized his need for the Spirit’s continual intervention in his sanctification!
A Prayer For Patience
Heavenly and most merciful Father, grant us, by the power of your Spirit, to be filled with good spiritual fruit. Especially we pray for the fruit of patience, that we may, by the growth of this goodly virtue, be strengthened to emulate Christ, being conformed to his image and likeliness in our sanctification. And grant, we pray, that we may hereafter live a righteous, sober, and godly life, to the glory of your holy Name. Amen.
I'm praying for you, my friend! I actually didn't know this standard cliché admonishment on patience was not encouraging for some, because I've found it helpful to keep in mind.
But you make an excellent point. The Scriptures tell us God will give us wisdom if we pray for it, and it wouldn't make any sense if we did that and He gave us opportunities to be wise and no actual wisdom.
(Maybe it could be said that He gives us circumstances that produce wisdom; that would also give us the same thing in a roundabout way.)
You've given me something to think about. Godspeed, sir! I'll be praying for you and praying for myself too, because even as a single guy with 0 kids under three, I can certainly use it. 😂